Oh, What Will I Wear to the Inaugural Ball?

Deval Patrick's hosting a big, inaugural bash. Like a Roman Holiday, it will last for days and days (five to be exact).

Oh, how I've always wanted to go to a ball.

A dream is a wish your heart makes

When you're fast asleep

In dreams you lose your heartaches

Whatever you wish for, you keep

Have faith in your dreams and someday

Your rainbow will come smiling thru

No matter how your heart is grieving

If you keep on believing

The dream that you wish will come true

If only my dream could come true.

"But, dreams do come true, Ryan."

Oh, Fairy Godmother! You've come to save the day?

"Yes, I have, child. Now, stop shedding your tears and smile."

I didn't know magic could come true.

"Oh, dear, it's not magic. It's corporate donors."

Really?

"Sure. I'm hired out of Nordstrom's, and since we're building a big store in Peabody, we really need the publicity."

But fairy godmother!

"Shut up and try this on."

Oh, Fairy Godmother, I look wonderful!

"You're damn right, you do, that coat costs hundreds of bucks!"

How can I ever thank you, Fairy Godmother?

"Don't get too excited, my child. After the first night of partying at the Inaugural Bash, my spell will wear off - I mean, the promotional offer is only good for one night, you know. Plus, we're only gonna buy you one ticket, anyway."

Oh, Fairy Godmother, one night of a big Inaugural Bash is all I could ever hope for.

"That's all most people ever ask."

Thank you, for everything, Fairy Godmother.

So, Ryan went to the Inaugural Bash, whereupon he had a swell time. But at the stoke of midnight, on the first night, he had to run away from all the festivities. He wouldn't even watch any of the other nights on TV or read them in the newspapers, because it was too much for him to bear.

When the night was over, all that was left of the Fairy Godmother's magical promotional gifts, were one shoe in a pair of Ruby Penny-Loafers.

The other would be a sign Deval Patrick would send out all around the state to all the fair grooms, to try and find just who dropped the shoe - so they could be added to Deval's network so Ryan could join his own campaign in helping Deval pass legislation over the next four years.

PS: If I sound like today's Herald, I apologize. While I love the idea of bringing the celebration to the whole state, I just find it a somewhat amusing and extravagant story. So bring the festivities on!

Seriously, though, is there a need for $25,000 corporate donations? Limit it to a thousand bucks. And ticket prices to get in? I'm a college student, not a lawyer.

PPS: If the Herald is good for anything, it's for some serious laughs. Today's headline picture may be oh-so predictable, but it's still hilarious.

Sure, the Herald's an ass - and not in the good way (being a Democrat), but in the tabloid newspapery way. Still, though, I forgive them... it's just not in their nature to be a real newspaper.