Homophobes Just Want Sexual Equality!

I just got back from an interesting hearing - primarily about creating a comprehensive, mandatory, state-wide health curriculum. However, because of a few small parts of the health bill, Team Homophobia was all up in arms. You see, it's all a plot by Planned Parenthood. One old lady even brought a copy of her church's sexual education book (!!) that described the depths of that organization's evils: it was a totally unbiased (/sarcasm off) retelling of how someone somehow linked to Planned Parenthood booked a dirty hotel for a weekend of safer sex. Another one of that lady's great lines was how the parents "were angry!" They were going to rise up - just like they did at today's hearing.

Oh, wait. There was only one homophobe under the age of 45 there - and she thought it was despicable how morally corrupt this country was that it would even allow contraceptives. In fact, how could kids be expected to cope, she said, when their parents employed contraceptives themselves? What sick, depraved people they are buying condoms and everything! In fact, if kids can't be trusted with candy and soda machines in school, how can we trust them with sexual education? Her (flawed) analogy - not mine. The most interesting thing about her whole testimony, other than the fact I had to cover my mouth to keep myself from bursting out laughing (even the congressional aides couldn't keep a straight face), was the fact that she was an immigrant. America is so morally corrupt and bankrupt, with people even using condoms and everything, that she decided to move here. What does that say about her?

However, the day's highlight was really when some old crazy guy came up in the end, talking about how we have to get back to religion in the classroom. It's those perverted gays and those "gay groups," and evil Planned Parenthood, of course, behind all this mess. In fact, he was really worried about society. He just wanted "sexual equality" that's all - it's not fair that all those guys go with other guys. What about the women? They men say they're "in love," but it's just not fair damn it. It's sexually racist. Or something. (Seriously, that was his testimony).

Unfortunately, I had to go soon after that. I missed getting to hear Tom Lang speak, as well as other equality supporters. The fact of the matter is there were real draconian policies, putting every student at risk. One such policy is an "opt in" clause. Currently, if parents object to specific health classes on sexual issues, they can have their children "opt out" of the lesson. However, apparently, that's not good enough. Instead of opting out, the "Massachusetts Family Institute" thinks parents should have to opt in - in effect, demand their students be taught. You know, because kids aren't going to have sex or go through puberty or have body image problems... can't have them learning about things that could just never, ever happen to them. Right?

As an added bonus, I shared an elevator ride with Kris Mineau. You'll be so sorry to hear that he's not been getting around all that much since his surgery. What his surgery was for, I don't know, but that could make for some fun comments.