Friday, May 01, 2009

Mooninites Admit to Causing Swine Flu

Claim to have brought pig back from homeworld

BOSTON - Ignignokt and Errr, the Mooninites responsible for the near-devastating non-attacks on Boston in 2007, held a press conference today at the base of their starship to claim responsibility for Swine Flu attacks. Parked in the middle of the Massachusetts Turnpike, they gathered press and angry commuters around their space vehicle early Thursday, at 8am, to explain the cause of H1N1 influenza, commonly referred to as the swine flu.

"We released the swine, knowing it would cause a worldwide panic of irrational proportions," Ignignokt said.

"Yeah, so worship us, bitches." Err followed.

The pig was a pale, fleshy color and weighed over a hundred pounds, according to the green and pink pixelated characters. They claim to have released the pig from their world, knowing it posed a potentially minor health risk, according to Ignignokt. "People will get sick and vomit and stay home from work for a few days. It will ruin everything," he said.

"Yeah, yeah, it'll kick them in the ass," his friend explained.

When asked about Egypt, which just went about killing all of their pigs erroneously fearing the swine meat caused swine flu, Ignignokt gave an eerily monotone, sinister laugh.

"The pigs taste good, delicious pork, and now all those Egyptians will have to live without it for a while. Our plot is working," explained Ignignokt.

"Yeah, sucks to be them!" Err added. "I took all that pork and ate it." He later admitted.

They explained just how they infected the pig and got it through the border below.

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