Tuesday, July 10, 2007

If/Then Statements

Anyone remember if/then statements from when you were a little tyke? Well, someone probably taught them to you at some point, like when you were first learning basic algebra. One of the neat things about if/then statements is that they have an official name - conditionals. It's a simple concept, which basically means that if something happens, then there's a subsequent cause or effect.

For example, if I woke up late today, then I didn't get a blog out nice and early for all your morning readers. Or, if the plant is dead, then no one watered it. Better yet, if Ryan lives in the North Shore, then he lives North of Boston. (Don't worry, no if p, then q... and I'll skip the conserve for later.)

Unfortunately, sometimes conditionals aren't really conditionals. For example, if President Bush is in contempt of congress, then he'd be impeached. Since we know that he'll almost certainly not be impeached, it's sadly not a conditional statement. Here's one, though: if we had Republicans in Congress who observed the same morals they preached, then they'd vote to impeach President Bush for being in contempt of Congress. Therefore, we know we don't have Republicans in Congress who observe the morals they preach, because they aren't going to vote to remove a law-breaking liar from office. (Oops, I promised not to get into the converse statements.) The only conditional we know as true regarding impeachment is this: If a Democrat got a blow job in the Oval Office, then he'd be impeached - because that's what Republicans really care about.

9 comments:

joe said...

Ryan -- Could you humor me for a moment and answer some if/then questions?

If Tom DeLay got 15 grand from Jack Abramoff and gave it back, then why did Harry Reid get 70 grand and keep it?

If Sandy Berger didn't go to jail, then why should Scooter Libby?

If Mark Foley is a sicko, why is Gerry Studds not?

If William Jefferson was caught with 90 grand in bribe money, then why isn't he in prison?

Just a few burning questions I have.

Ryan Adams said...

Actually, those aren't conditional statements, but in terms of Jefferson - I absolutely agree. I was horrified that he won the primary and the amount of people who came to his defense.

On the other issues, I'm not going to take the bait. The issue here is the President. If he's in contempt of congress, with everything else that's gone on, he should be impeached. It should be a bi-partisan issue.

joe said...

The issue here is the President, but you need to avoid naming political parties. mayhaps I can suggest an edit to your last sentence.

The only conditional we know as true regarding impeachment is this: If a Politician got a blow job in the Oval Office, then he'd be impeached - because that's what other politicians really care about.

DC: The only city where you can have clean streets but be knee deep in your own shit at the same time.

Joel Patterson said...

Here's some ointment for Joe's burning questions.

Joe is wrong about Tom Delay. Tom DeLay wasn't indicted for taking money from Jack Abramoff.
Tom DeLay was indicted for money laundering, not by a Federal prosecutor, but by the Austin prosecutor, whom Texas' law gives jurisdiction over such matters.

And Sandy Berger plead guilty in a deal with the Feds. He admitted that he did something wrong.
Scooter bore false witness and was unrepentant. Even Bush admitted Scooter was guilty of perjury.

And Jefferson's trial isn't over. He was just indicted last month. Give it a little time.

Anonymous said...

what all this highlights is the fact that both major parties are corrupt and only exert their influence when they happen to have the upper hand. campaign reform is a joke. We somehow need to make the justice department less political and the elected officials accountable.

joe said...

I didn't mention Tom DeLay's idictment, merely his unethical behavior. I am not wrong.

Sandy Berger destroyed classified government documents and stuffed others in his pants. Scooter Libby got convicted of perjury in an instance where nobody was even accused of a crime!

As far as William Jefferson, I would love to see how he gets out of having 90 grand in his freezer.

Keep making excuses Joel. If you rationalize enough, you might even convince yourself the Democrats aren't as corrupt as the Republicans.

Dan Farnkoff said...

I get the feeling that you may have been a big supporter of the Iraq war when it started, Joe. Would I be wrong?

eddie said...

"If Sandy Berger didn't go to jail, then why should Scooter Libby?"

I'm with Joe. My neighbor was caught shoplifting and didn't go to jail, therefore obstruction of justice shouldn't be a crime, never mind perjury, what's that, we need special medals for lying to the grand jury, I hate those guys with their fancy laws, we should dig up Nixon and swear in his rotting corpse, and anyone who outs a CIA agent as political payback should get the Medal of Freedom, extra bonus points in Scrabble for everyone who was compromised and executed due to the security breach, and free cones for life at Baskin-Robbins.

"and stuffed others in his pants"

Um, no he didn't. It's weird but as reliable a source as talk radio is, sometimes they tend to make things up (and oddly get them repeated as fact in the liberal media). Good story, but no. According to the prosecutor, he removed 5 identical copies, and no original material was destroyed, two of them were subsequently returned. But, since we're making stuff up, what nobody mentions is that he actually BURNED DOWN most of the National Archives, and that's AFTER luring an entire troop of ORPHANED cub scouts inside!

"If Mark Foley is a sicko, why is Gerry Studds not?"

Because Mark Foley wrote the federal law to make it a crime to solicit sex from underaged persons over the internet. It's really hard to get away with writing a law that would send other people to jail for the same thing you're doing, but when you're caught doing it yourself, say, "Why are you looking at me? What'd I do?" Nobody has sympathy for you when you get popped under your own damn law.

joe said...

Dan: Yes, I was. Key word: Was.

Eddie: So, what Sandy Berger did warranted no jail time? Great precedent to set. You also never addressed why Gerry Studds wasn't a sicko. If it was a girl, he'd be in jail, but since he was playing around with a teenage boy's private parts, we can't speak ill because that would be homophobia.

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