If/Then Statements

Anyone remember if/then statements from when you were a little tyke? Well, someone probably taught them to you at some point, like when you were first learning basic algebra. One of the neat things about if/then statements is that they have an official name - conditionals. It's a simple concept, which basically means that if something happens, then there's a subsequent cause or effect.

For example, if I woke up late today, then I didn't get a blog out nice and early for all your morning readers. Or, if the plant is dead, then no one watered it. Better yet, if Ryan lives in the North Shore, then he lives North of Boston. (Don't worry, no if p, then q... and I'll skip the conserve for later.)

Unfortunately, sometimes conditionals aren't really conditionals. For example, if President Bush is in contempt of congress, then he'd be impeached. Since we know that he'll almost certainly not be impeached, it's sadly not a conditional statement. Here's one, though: if we had Republicans in Congress who observed the same morals they preached, then they'd vote to impeach President Bush for being in contempt of Congress. Therefore, we know we don't have Republicans in Congress who observe the morals they preach, because they aren't going to vote to remove a law-breaking liar from office. (Oops, I promised not to get into the converse statements.) The only conditional we know as true regarding impeachment is this: If a Democrat got a blow job in the Oval Office, then he'd be impeached - because that's what Republicans really care about.