UMass Lowell at the Next Level?

Note: I had this saved in draft form for a few days. Whoops. Still relevant, though -- and LiL has more.

In these bleak fiscal times, that's a tough stretch. Moreover, the (horror) stories I've heard about Meehan's management skillz certainly adds skepticism. Yet, UMass Lowell - a school with over 10,000 students - is about to add something most big schools have, a hotel and conference center, and there's plenty of talk from the powers that be to push Lowell's ownership of the Tsongas Arena to UMASS Lowell. Many thousands of people fit in it: it could be a (modest, but legit) D1 caliber arena with a little work. Plus, fostering Lowell as a "college town" may just lure in more bands and parties to the medium-sized arena, perhaps making it more profitable. At the very least, between these two developments, UMass Lowell is starting to look like a state school that would rival what exists in most other states.

Scandal at UMASS

I hereby deem this mess at UMASS a scandal. Everyone needs to go click that link and read that article - it's the best one I've read from the Boston Globe in a very, very long time. It's funny, too, because UMASS President Jack Wilson seemed to be wanting a new job this whole time: head of Amherst and the entire system. If the professors at UMASS Amherst have their way - the one's who voted No Confidence with him in the room by a margin of more than 200 to 1 - he'll be getting that new job very shortly, a la President Summers. In fact, my sources at UMASS Dartmouth have dug up a letter reported to be from Mr. Wilson.

Dear Trustees, Faculty, Staff, Parents, Voters, Construction Workers, Former Politicians, Current Politicians, Janitors, Lunch Ladies, Mitt Romney and ah, yea, maybe students...

I have notified the UMASS Board of Trustees today that, in leau of controlling the universe entire system's every job, I'll merely accept control of just Amherst, the entire UMASS system and other such things - provided that I also get control of Worcerster and Boston and maybe the schools that aren't included in the UMASS System (and probably some high schools as well, they call the head of Boston Latin a Dean, right? I want that title too!). However, no one should worry, you won't have to call me Chancellor at Worcester and Boston.... "Mr. President/Chancellor" will suffice.

People also tell me that there's this thing called "UMASS Dartmouth," but that's a vicious rumor I can't confirm. If it's true, I'll let that person who already is in "control" there keep it - because the South Coast is a mysterious place and I can't really be expected to go there, now can I? Do they even make maps to get there? Can I call triple A? Furthermore, Lowell's just been given to soon-to-be President Marty Meehan and he scares me, so I'll leave him alone too.

Now, rumor has it that at a recent meeting at UMASS Amherst, Professors gave me a 214 to 1 vote of "No Confidence." I care very deeply about the people at UMASS Amherst, that's why I want to control them and make all the other campuses irrelevant focus my time there. I can neither confirm nor deny what that vote actually was about, because I don't listen to faculty, but I'm sure it isn't possible that they really voted against me. After all, I was put in place by the Great Mitt Romney - and everyone just loves him! Seriously, that guy knows what he's doing! He should be President of the United States or something. Then, maybe I could get an even better job!

Anyway, it's very important to me that the Faculty, Staff, Parents, Voters, Construction Workers, Former Politicians, Current Politicians, Janitors, Lunch Ladies, Mitt Romney and ah, yea, maybe students neighbors know that I care deeply about the UMASS Amherst campus. I only want what is best for it. That's why I think we need to oust a guy who's clearly done a good job there. If he keeps doing well, the people of Massachusetts will come to have certain expectations there - and if that happens and they're not met, it may not look pretty. Therefore, I want to do a great job at making sure that doesn't happen.

Some people have "No Confidence" in me. I say hogwash! The only person that matters is me and I have plenty of confidence in that person. It's actually a really great philosophy in life - more people should try it, well, if they actually mattered. Or were me. That's why I just want to inform everyone that I'm here for the long haul - which shall be defined as "when people rise up and loudly call for my resignation." That could NEVER happen - because, like I've been trying to say this whole time - I only have the best of intentions and want to do a great job as head of every Tom, Dick and Harry at UMASS. In fact, I don't think merely being a President and Chancellor is enough. I should be a Treasurer, Secretary, Vice President, Administrator, Janitor and Lunch Lady as well.

Sincerely,

President and Wanna-Be Chancellor, Lunch Lady Jack Wilson

P.S. Please don't fire me.

P.P.S. Pretty please!

P.P.P.S. With a cherry on top!

Dick Howe is a Welcome Addition

It's belated, but I just read this blog on Marty Meehan and it's some interesting stuff. Everyone should read it, it really ties together a few tangents on just how long he plans to stay on as Chancellor of UMASS Lowell. Here's a brief snippet:

During his visit to WCAP yesterday morning, Marty Meehan did not directly address the possibility of again running for elective office, but he did talk about the probable length of his stay at UML and obliquely raised some interesting possibilities.

This was just as interesting:

When a caller asked what he would do with his $5 million campaign account, Marty said the money was in high yield accounts and “I’m not going to break them” (presumably this means the money is in CDs and he doesn’t want to lose interest due to early withdrawal penalties). “You’ll be able to look every six months and see how much interest they’ve earned.” (In three years – the length of his contract – at 5.5% interest, Marty’s $5 mil will have earned $870,000 in interest, allowing him to add nearly $1 million to his campaign account while serving as chancellor).

Hmm... let's see, raise almost a million with no work - just on the interest... take a nice little job for a few years that really pads the resume, a break from actually doing stuff on Capitol Hill and stay in Lowell just long enough to sit out one of our senators' last term...

In all actuality, there's nothing wrong with this apparent plan of his, as long as he actually does his job. Yet, it just goes to show everyone that, when it comes to politics, Marty Meehan is one shrewd man.

Marty Meehan's Left Overs

So, now that it looks like Marty Meehan is definitely gone, what does that mean for "Don't Ask, Don't Tell?" As many readers probably know, Marty Meehan is spearheading the efforts to repeal one of the most vagrant violations of human equality left in the military - the right to serve regardless of sexual orientation. For the first time in a long time, it looked like "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" was on its way out. Yet, if this nation loses one of its most important leaders on the effort, I really have no idea what will happen. Anyone care to haphazard a guess?

Let's hope Marty Meehan leaves no left overs when he becomes the Chancellor of UMASS Lowell. As important as that University is - and as admirably I'm sure Meehan will serve there - Don't Ask, Don't Tell is almost as important as marriage rights in terms of glbt equality. Literally over a million gay people have served in the army, yet they were forced to remain in the closet in permanent fear of being dishonorably discharged (or worse). Marty Meehan needs to get the job done before he goes home.